I'm so glad I came across this post via LinkedIn, Mike. The universe wanted me to see this as the past two (maybe more) years have been a similar experience in understanding when things truly fall to pieces and you are forced to seek and take the journey, as you have. I commend you and am proud of you. Thank you for these words and resources. I have reading and reflecting to do!
I'm glad you came across this post, too; and it's good to hear that this resonates with you and your experience. Sending you positive energies as you continue reflecting and moving through this journey.
So, So, So powerful and such perfect timing for me to read this. Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty. I recently left the field of museum education and have been struggling with all the same feelings. Although my leaving was my choice, I still feel angry that I was put in a position where I felt like I had to make that choice. I thought I was at my forever-museum and had been putting down roots and making plans. I know I am in a better place, professionally, but I am still struggling. Your words hit me in ways that I can not articulate but I am so glad you could!
Kaci, I'm glad my words resonated with you and your experience. It takes a lot of courage to choose to step away. It's good to hear that you're in a better place, but the struggle is ongoing. For me, this process of radical forgiveness is helping me be present for both the struggle and the joy of starting something new. And cutting my emotional ties to the past (or starting to do that, at least) has been key. It's good to share these experiences, and know that none of us are alone. Sending you positive, healing vibes!
As always, Sir, so many truths and insights to unpack, reflect upon and dance with. So first, as everyone before me has said, thank you for your great care and skill in relating your experiences, emotions and hard work. Writing in the way you have here is such a welcome break from the impulsive “need to share my important experiences” writing that I try to filter from myself every day. Most of my experiences and ideas are definitely NOT important. They are average, which is fine, and sometimes wrong. I postulate an idea and then look for all the ways that it doesn’t hold water so that a more true postulation will reveal itself. But, mixing metaphors here, hitting 350 will get person into the hall of fame, so I console myself when I metaphorically find myself taking a turn at the plate. Museums and the social, economic and knowledge ecosystems in which they operate are part of very complex, often paradoxical systems. Dr. Suzanne Simard, professor of Forest Ecology at the University of British Columbia, has described some deeply relatable characteristics of complex systems in her autobiographical and scientific memoir “Finding the Mother Tree”. Simard describes how the leaves, stems and roots of forest trees and plants, coated and connected below the surface by a network of variously adapted fungi, create a chemical neural network that perceives and responds-to the environmental and physical changes going on around them. Simard, in my reading, has made the case that the diversity and complexity of the cooperative perceptive systems and the expanse and capacity of their communication networks have a greater impact upon the success of the forests’ ability to thrive than the severity of the challenges to the systems, themselves. Fire, insects, deadly bacterias, climate changes, toxic mining tailings and industrial particulates can often all be overcome in the long run, Simard suggests, if there is an underlying, diverse, redundant and cooperative sensory and communication network knitting the community together. This, I wonder, may be what museums in the western world fail to get right. The pandemic may have served as an accelerator in revealing the flaws but art, science and history museums work so feverishly to become “third spaces”, the unique places within our communities, apart from commerce and government, where spectacular and life-affirming ideas are given root and nourishment and where guests and audiences are invited to safely respond, that they fail to first focus on building diverse, interdependent, and reliable sensory and communication networks. How many times have I watched my own organization change management structures and leaders, adopt project management software, revise mission, value and vision statements, focus on visitor experience surveys, double the frequency of 1-hour meetings, and yet utterly fail to deeply grow internal or external trust, support and a sense of shared reliance on open communication both within the organization and across the community? Likewise, how many times have I seen the distrust of narrowed access to power, specialized-interests and oddly hidden authorities serve to further privatize and isolate what on the surface looks to be an organization dedicated to the public good? When an organization fails to help its smallest branches both understand the value their work to the health of the community - again, not to the goals and objectives of their departments in a bureaucratic sense but rather to the connection to the health of their community and the health of their organization’s role within that community - then that perceptive neural network of diverse groups and individuals, cooperatively communicating and building trust simply languishes and decays in its isolation.
Dale, thanks for such a thoughtful response. And I'm so glad you bring Simard's work and writing into this -- I have not read her book yet, but it's sitting here next to my desk, or rather "on deck" to continue one of your metaphors. Given that I straddle (or bridge) the line between museums and nature/place-based learning in my consulting and design work, these ideas about the interconnected networks of forests (and the nurturing, symbiotic, co-supportive systems) really influence the way I view our human systems and organizations. I appreciate what you write here about organizations/museums focusing on these interdependent networks of trust, listening, healing, and cooperation. We have a lot to learn from the more-than-human world.
In light of Dr. Simard’s work, and countless observations by others in knowledge-based systems and domains, I tend to agree with you. We may have been missing a great deal about the very systems we operate in most intensively - the natural world.
Thank you for sharing all these beautiful reflections of your journey! This resonates so much for me, especially the complicated feelings about finally returning. I put what felt like 1000% of me into a job I loved for many years and then was let go. This was 8 years ago and I feel like I have only in recent years finally let go of the complicated mixture of betrayal and also frustration at myself for letting myself get strung along for years with well intentioned but ultimately empty promises of advancement/job security/appreciation. I wanted to believe the best even though I was at the whim of grant funding and other factors out of my control. Anyway, I visited the place I used to love and work after a year or two and just sat at a table outside and spoke some words aloud to the space. The second time I visited I brought a friend I knew would honor and hold space for my complicated feelings. It was nice to create a new memory that wasn't tied at all to my employment there. I'm now so grateful for the catalyst that launched me into embracing my truest desires and most meaningful way of moving through the world and connecting with my family. Like your quote from Amber Johnson, it's the better versions of ourselves that better the world.
Casey, I really appreciate you sharing your experience and journey. I hear what you are saying, and it connects with my experience so much. First of all, I have so much to say about the whole myth of "job security" and how that is used in a harmful way by employers (I'll definitely write more about that sometime, because it is a myth/lie worth exposing further). In terms of visiting these places of our former employment, I like what you say about creating new memories that are not part of working there. Yes, I've just barely begun that process. This is a long, complicated journey, and I'm so glad we can share these experiences together.
Thanks for sharing! You made me remember what I felt almost 10 years ago when I left my museum. I’m my case on my own decision, but with similar feelings of anger, sadness and frustration. Today I still work for museums and I thank for the forgiveness and the real “letting go” process.
Thank you, Mar. I imagine that even after 10 years, there are still emotions lingering. When we are so connected to something, it becomes a part of us and it's hard to let that go. But it's so worth getting that distance, and going through the emotional (maybe even spiritual) process of forgiveness. I appreciate you sharing your experience.
Mike— Thank you for not only sharing this but taking the time to craft it in such a thoughtful and evocative manner. I miss you and I’m very excited about your new self and your book.
For completely other reasons than yours, I am in the process of letting go and disentangling my identity from my work…it is not easy and I applaud you for all you have done and all you have shared.
Brett, it's so good to hear from you. Thanks for your kind words (I really do owe a lot of thanks to Bryna for crafting the words to share my experiences through this). Sounds like you are going through a similar process of disentangling from work -- definitely not easy, but necessary. These past couple of years, I have thought to myself many times, "at least I now have the distance and awareness to see things more clearly." Hope you are well. Sending you all the positive energies!
Thank you for sharing this. My two year anniversary of being laid off will come later this year, but so many of the emotions you describe are very similar to my experience. I have not yet found the forgiveness necessary to visit. I'll check out some of the books you mentioned.
I found enough forgiveness to visit, but it's not a straight line, for sure. It comes and goes -- I get a well of strength and courage one day, and then a well of anger, shame, and rejection another day. It will come to you, and I recommend finding the healing process that works best for you (and does not cause you further harm -- that's important too. protect yourself through this. it's not about them, it's about you). I think Pema Chodron is most helpful through this, but I also gained SO much from the Lama Rod Owens book (including some very practical meditation strategies that I use quite a lot). Let me know if I can offer any further support as you navigate these waters. And I'm sure others from the Agents of Change community can offer thoughts and support, too.
I hope you find something in the writings of Owens, Chodron, and Haga that sparks something deeper for you. The more I get my head out of 'museum writing,' the more new perspectives I gain on this work.
Thanks for writing about your feelings and process so openly. I still have healing to do after being pushed out of my museum job in 2015. We make these jobs our identities and it hurts so much to endure that kind of rejection.
I hear what you're saying about the hurt not going away. I once read something the Dalai Lama wrote about this, saying that we never "get over" the hurt or pain -- we learn to live with it. I think about this a lot, and kind of embrace it all (like Pema Chodron says). Some days I'm really good at it, and other days not so much : )
Mar 31, 2022·edited Mar 31, 2022Liked by Mike Murawski
As your partner and the person who knows and experienced this entire journey from the inside, I so appreciate you taking the time and emotional energy to post this, and thank you, again, for introducing me to Pema Chodron's When Things Fall Apart, so that I too could learn from her wise words during those first anxiety-inducing months of the pandemic.
I could not have made it through all of this without you, that's for sure. And you know how hard it was to get this down in words -- I'm so grateful for your help on the writing side, too.
Just a quick note and a huge thanks, Mike, for sharing. The concept of 'radical forgiveness' is quite inspiring and I will keep in mind to find more about it. Ca. 10 years ago I made a similar experience and finally (I can say this only in retrospect, at that time it was more than difficult) it enabled me to find my unique voice and to go MY way. I think that you make quite a difference in the museum world with what you have to share and how you do this. Greetings to everybody here!
Thank you, Ariane. And a big 'YES' to how the process of finding your own voice and identity can be so difficult when you are going through it in the moment. Having some distance from this has given me a clearer perspective, I think. And as I gain more distance, I'm sure my reflections will evolve and the learnings will grow.
This type of essay is so difficult to publish. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us, and for taking the steps to allow yourself to continue to give back to the Museum community after this experience, too.
these reflections have been bubbling up for months now, but March was a particularly difficult month. Writing and sharing this has been an important part of this process (which is ongoing). I appreciate your encouragement and support.
of my own, Since 2020… as a volunteer school tour docent at the Getty Center I relate to your experience. After refining myself from being a teacher for years, (it was hell.)
I found the Getty was training people to lead school tours. A year of training and happily leading kids of all ages on school tours. My nirvana.
The tours stopped 2020 and I found solace in walking and unexpectedly getting to know a host of wild squirrels as friends.
We are inching back now into school tours, but what struck me was that you speak of redefinition of museums, which just happens to be the new three year program at the Getty for staff and volunteers on the “Museums as Prisms”.
I hope we can all find answers and so glad to connect with you and others on this journey.
Thanks for sharing your experiences, Patricia. So many of us experienced a rupture like this during the beginning of the pandemic, and I think it can be important to share. It's good to hear about "Museums as Prisms" -- redefining museums is so important, especially for very large and financially strong institutions like the Getty. Best of luck as tours begin to resume.
I'm so glad I came across this post via LinkedIn, Mike. The universe wanted me to see this as the past two (maybe more) years have been a similar experience in understanding when things truly fall to pieces and you are forced to seek and take the journey, as you have. I commend you and am proud of you. Thank you for these words and resources. I have reading and reflecting to do!
I'm glad you came across this post, too; and it's good to hear that this resonates with you and your experience. Sending you positive energies as you continue reflecting and moving through this journey.
So, So, So powerful and such perfect timing for me to read this. Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty. I recently left the field of museum education and have been struggling with all the same feelings. Although my leaving was my choice, I still feel angry that I was put in a position where I felt like I had to make that choice. I thought I was at my forever-museum and had been putting down roots and making plans. I know I am in a better place, professionally, but I am still struggling. Your words hit me in ways that I can not articulate but I am so glad you could!
Kaci, I'm glad my words resonated with you and your experience. It takes a lot of courage to choose to step away. It's good to hear that you're in a better place, but the struggle is ongoing. For me, this process of radical forgiveness is helping me be present for both the struggle and the joy of starting something new. And cutting my emotional ties to the past (or starting to do that, at least) has been key. It's good to share these experiences, and know that none of us are alone. Sending you positive, healing vibes!
As always, Sir, so many truths and insights to unpack, reflect upon and dance with. So first, as everyone before me has said, thank you for your great care and skill in relating your experiences, emotions and hard work. Writing in the way you have here is such a welcome break from the impulsive “need to share my important experiences” writing that I try to filter from myself every day. Most of my experiences and ideas are definitely NOT important. They are average, which is fine, and sometimes wrong. I postulate an idea and then look for all the ways that it doesn’t hold water so that a more true postulation will reveal itself. But, mixing metaphors here, hitting 350 will get person into the hall of fame, so I console myself when I metaphorically find myself taking a turn at the plate. Museums and the social, economic and knowledge ecosystems in which they operate are part of very complex, often paradoxical systems. Dr. Suzanne Simard, professor of Forest Ecology at the University of British Columbia, has described some deeply relatable characteristics of complex systems in her autobiographical and scientific memoir “Finding the Mother Tree”. Simard describes how the leaves, stems and roots of forest trees and plants, coated and connected below the surface by a network of variously adapted fungi, create a chemical neural network that perceives and responds-to the environmental and physical changes going on around them. Simard, in my reading, has made the case that the diversity and complexity of the cooperative perceptive systems and the expanse and capacity of their communication networks have a greater impact upon the success of the forests’ ability to thrive than the severity of the challenges to the systems, themselves. Fire, insects, deadly bacterias, climate changes, toxic mining tailings and industrial particulates can often all be overcome in the long run, Simard suggests, if there is an underlying, diverse, redundant and cooperative sensory and communication network knitting the community together. This, I wonder, may be what museums in the western world fail to get right. The pandemic may have served as an accelerator in revealing the flaws but art, science and history museums work so feverishly to become “third spaces”, the unique places within our communities, apart from commerce and government, where spectacular and life-affirming ideas are given root and nourishment and where guests and audiences are invited to safely respond, that they fail to first focus on building diverse, interdependent, and reliable sensory and communication networks. How many times have I watched my own organization change management structures and leaders, adopt project management software, revise mission, value and vision statements, focus on visitor experience surveys, double the frequency of 1-hour meetings, and yet utterly fail to deeply grow internal or external trust, support and a sense of shared reliance on open communication both within the organization and across the community? Likewise, how many times have I seen the distrust of narrowed access to power, specialized-interests and oddly hidden authorities serve to further privatize and isolate what on the surface looks to be an organization dedicated to the public good? When an organization fails to help its smallest branches both understand the value their work to the health of the community - again, not to the goals and objectives of their departments in a bureaucratic sense but rather to the connection to the health of their community and the health of their organization’s role within that community - then that perceptive neural network of diverse groups and individuals, cooperatively communicating and building trust simply languishes and decays in its isolation.
Dale, thanks for such a thoughtful response. And I'm so glad you bring Simard's work and writing into this -- I have not read her book yet, but it's sitting here next to my desk, or rather "on deck" to continue one of your metaphors. Given that I straddle (or bridge) the line between museums and nature/place-based learning in my consulting and design work, these ideas about the interconnected networks of forests (and the nurturing, symbiotic, co-supportive systems) really influence the way I view our human systems and organizations. I appreciate what you write here about organizations/museums focusing on these interdependent networks of trust, listening, healing, and cooperation. We have a lot to learn from the more-than-human world.
In light of Dr. Simard’s work, and countless observations by others in knowledge-based systems and domains, I tend to agree with you. We may have been missing a great deal about the very systems we operate in most intensively - the natural world.
Absolutely, there are still feelings after 10 years.
It's good to be part of this community. I love museums and even though sometimes it's difficult, I believe they are true places for positive change.
Thanks again!
Thank you for sharing all these beautiful reflections of your journey! This resonates so much for me, especially the complicated feelings about finally returning. I put what felt like 1000% of me into a job I loved for many years and then was let go. This was 8 years ago and I feel like I have only in recent years finally let go of the complicated mixture of betrayal and also frustration at myself for letting myself get strung along for years with well intentioned but ultimately empty promises of advancement/job security/appreciation. I wanted to believe the best even though I was at the whim of grant funding and other factors out of my control. Anyway, I visited the place I used to love and work after a year or two and just sat at a table outside and spoke some words aloud to the space. The second time I visited I brought a friend I knew would honor and hold space for my complicated feelings. It was nice to create a new memory that wasn't tied at all to my employment there. I'm now so grateful for the catalyst that launched me into embracing my truest desires and most meaningful way of moving through the world and connecting with my family. Like your quote from Amber Johnson, it's the better versions of ourselves that better the world.
Casey, I really appreciate you sharing your experience and journey. I hear what you are saying, and it connects with my experience so much. First of all, I have so much to say about the whole myth of "job security" and how that is used in a harmful way by employers (I'll definitely write more about that sometime, because it is a myth/lie worth exposing further). In terms of visiting these places of our former employment, I like what you say about creating new memories that are not part of working there. Yes, I've just barely begun that process. This is a long, complicated journey, and I'm so glad we can share these experiences together.
Thanks for sharing! You made me remember what I felt almost 10 years ago when I left my museum. I’m my case on my own decision, but with similar feelings of anger, sadness and frustration. Today I still work for museums and I thank for the forgiveness and the real “letting go” process.
Thoughtful and sensitive essay.
Thanks!
Mar Fuentes, from Mexico
Thank you, Mar. I imagine that even after 10 years, there are still emotions lingering. When we are so connected to something, it becomes a part of us and it's hard to let that go. But it's so worth getting that distance, and going through the emotional (maybe even spiritual) process of forgiveness. I appreciate you sharing your experience.
Mike— Thank you for not only sharing this but taking the time to craft it in such a thoughtful and evocative manner. I miss you and I’m very excited about your new self and your book.
For completely other reasons than yours, I am in the process of letting go and disentangling my identity from my work…it is not easy and I applaud you for all you have done and all you have shared.
Peace and be well.
Brett, it's so good to hear from you. Thanks for your kind words (I really do owe a lot of thanks to Bryna for crafting the words to share my experiences through this). Sounds like you are going through a similar process of disentangling from work -- definitely not easy, but necessary. These past couple of years, I have thought to myself many times, "at least I now have the distance and awareness to see things more clearly." Hope you are well. Sending you all the positive energies!
Thank you for sharing this. My two year anniversary of being laid off will come later this year, but so many of the emotions you describe are very similar to my experience. I have not yet found the forgiveness necessary to visit. I'll check out some of the books you mentioned.
I found enough forgiveness to visit, but it's not a straight line, for sure. It comes and goes -- I get a well of strength and courage one day, and then a well of anger, shame, and rejection another day. It will come to you, and I recommend finding the healing process that works best for you (and does not cause you further harm -- that's important too. protect yourself through this. it's not about them, it's about you). I think Pema Chodron is most helpful through this, but I also gained SO much from the Lama Rod Owens book (including some very practical meditation strategies that I use quite a lot). Let me know if I can offer any further support as you navigate these waters. And I'm sure others from the Agents of Change community can offer thoughts and support, too.
Thank you for your work and for the references to authors and thinkers who have helped you deal with the challenges you describe in this post.
I hope you find something in the writings of Owens, Chodron, and Haga that sparks something deeper for you. The more I get my head out of 'museum writing,' the more new perspectives I gain on this work.
Thanks for writing about your feelings and process so openly. I still have healing to do after being pushed out of my museum job in 2015. We make these jobs our identities and it hurts so much to endure that kind of rejection.
I hear what you're saying about the hurt not going away. I once read something the Dalai Lama wrote about this, saying that we never "get over" the hurt or pain -- we learn to live with it. I think about this a lot, and kind of embrace it all (like Pema Chodron says). Some days I'm really good at it, and other days not so much : )
As your partner and the person who knows and experienced this entire journey from the inside, I so appreciate you taking the time and emotional energy to post this, and thank you, again, for introducing me to Pema Chodron's When Things Fall Apart, so that I too could learn from her wise words during those first anxiety-inducing months of the pandemic.
I could not have made it through all of this without you, that's for sure. And you know how hard it was to get this down in words -- I'm so grateful for your help on the writing side, too.
Just a quick note and a huge thanks, Mike, for sharing. The concept of 'radical forgiveness' is quite inspiring and I will keep in mind to find more about it. Ca. 10 years ago I made a similar experience and finally (I can say this only in retrospect, at that time it was more than difficult) it enabled me to find my unique voice and to go MY way. I think that you make quite a difference in the museum world with what you have to share and how you do this. Greetings to everybody here!
Thank you, Ariane. And a big 'YES' to how the process of finding your own voice and identity can be so difficult when you are going through it in the moment. Having some distance from this has given me a clearer perspective, I think. And as I gain more distance, I'm sure my reflections will evolve and the learnings will grow.
This type of essay is so difficult to publish. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us, and for taking the steps to allow yourself to continue to give back to the Museum community after this experience, too.
these reflections have been bubbling up for months now, but March was a particularly difficult month. Writing and sharing this has been an important part of this process (which is ongoing). I appreciate your encouragement and support.
Thank you for the very personal resonance
of my own, Since 2020… as a volunteer school tour docent at the Getty Center I relate to your experience. After refining myself from being a teacher for years, (it was hell.)
I found the Getty was training people to lead school tours. A year of training and happily leading kids of all ages on school tours. My nirvana.
The tours stopped 2020 and I found solace in walking and unexpectedly getting to know a host of wild squirrels as friends.
We are inching back now into school tours, but what struck me was that you speak of redefinition of museums, which just happens to be the new three year program at the Getty for staff and volunteers on the “Museums as Prisms”.
I hope we can all find answers and so glad to connect with you and others on this journey.
Thank you so much for your brilliant sharing🙏🏼
Thanks for sharing your experiences, Patricia. So many of us experienced a rupture like this during the beginning of the pandemic, and I think it can be important to share. It's good to hear about "Museums as Prisms" -- redefining museums is so important, especially for very large and financially strong institutions like the Getty. Best of luck as tours begin to resume.